Cage Match

by Zbigniew

Game of Homes

The concept –if we can call it that- pits four couples against each other to complete a full home renovation of four aging abodes. Cue the de rigueur stage-managed “reality” tropes: a loud, in-your-face host, tight, stress-inducing timelines, a steady stream of fist-pumping, frenetic editing, etc etc etc. The winner gets to keep the house.

Welcome to Vancouver and Game of Homes. (Get it? Game of HOMES!)

Way back (in late June) the idea was to renovate four Vancouver knockdowns on their lots. Inspired (sic) by the PNE Prize Home (sic), Great Pacific Television producer Blair Reekie billed it as a “new twist on preservation” in Vancouver’s out of control real estate market.

That was yesterday, but the market is all right-fucking-now. So, four houses have instead been liberated of the much more valuable dirt they sit on and moved to a fenced enclosure on Concorde Pacific’s property False Creek. Oh, it’s a mystical place that Northeast corner, where sign and permit by-laws don’t seem to apply, assessed property values shrink even as court actions lengthen, and the demands of local citizen’s for their promised park disappear into a vacuum.

It’s the perfect location for a catered and green tarpaulin-wrapped cage match, where couples gouge, claw and scrape over each other, like crabs in a barrel, for the Terminal sublime, a rare chance to touch the Holy of Holies: a home.

Well, a house, anyways.