The Mother Corpse

by Zbigniew

It’s best to avoid the consumer lifestyle audio magazine disaster that is CBC Vancouver’s The Early Edition, unless of course you’re a mini-van driving, hockey jersey sporting suburbanite mortgaged to the eyeballs and enjoy mindless blather to serenade your drive-thru pick-up of a complicated latte on your way to acquiring a 50-inch plasma screen from the mall and think that guy from the Fraser Institute has a point.

The National Broadcaster blessed Toronto’s morning program with Matt Galloway. We got armchair sports aficionado Rick Cluff, who can only be roused from his near catatonia, although not his chair, by the presence of foodstuffs or some random factoid concerning the Lions.

One of the many social ills that plague this burg might actually get an airing, but no perspective is too conventional for Cluff, no question too soft. No issue so important that it can’t be interrupted and truncated by -yet another- traffic update, or drowned in a sea of corn pone: “MOOsic to their ears: happy cows make more milk and we’ll tell you about an UDDERly intriguing contest.” (Sic)

And there’s the laughtrack, the light-tone forced cackle that concludes this dawn miasma:

Cluff: “Well, I went out for dinner last night … “

Flunkies: “Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahah!” etc

Square The Early Edition may be, but it’s also the most popular morning programme in the Lower Mainland. The squares can have it: De gustibus non est disputandum.

Understandably, the power structures that dominate city hall may be beyond the grasp of reporters better suited to chasing fire trucks and hosts that prefer detailed recitations of hockey statistics; nonetheless, the Mother Corp’s Pacific flagship programme is criminally lazy, negligent in the extreme in its duties of informing the citizenry.

For reasons too unnecessary to explain, this week your humble blogger found himself listening –enduring- Cluff and co. for the better part of an hour. In that time each of the five or six traffic reports took note of a public demonstration at 12th & Clark -newsworthy only for its impact on the morning commute, pertinent only to those planning their route from a mini-van, idling by a Starbucks, in the sticks.